How to Wear a Wig During Chemo - I did - and you can too.

I made a youtube video covering things that helped me with wearing a wig and other head covers during Chemo.  I hope it helps you.

How to wear a wig during chemo

Chronic Fatigue Before and After Cancer

      

Chronic Fatigue Before and After Cancer

Barbara Henderson

I have faced extreme fatigue for years.  It is basically disabling.  I am limited in what I can do.  This was actually sort of helpful when cancer came along because I was already living with  the fact that I couldn’t do most of the things that I wanted to do.  Since my treatment is over doctors have asked how I am coping with not being able to do things I did before cancer.  I have to tell them that I can do about everything I could do before cancer except walk two miles.  I can walk ½ mile usually now. 

My main issue at this time is dizziness.  I was having unexplained dizziness prior to the cancer.  It has not improved.  I have the feeling that if I could get the dizziness under control that I would be able to do more than before cancer. 

My oncologist ordered an MRI to check for horrible things.  He isn’t really looking for anything.  He just said we have to rule out some things before he decides what to do about the dizziness.  He has some sort of IV therapy in mind.  I can’t remember the name of it. 

Results from the MRI are on Thursday.  As I said, since I have had very bad dizziness for some time I don’t think it is related to the cancer.  Hopefully I will not get a surprise. 

Now, regarding the MRI – it was absolutely horrible!  Remember that I have been through months of aggressive chemo, life threatening surgery, and more chemo over the last thirteen months.  So when I say the MRI was horrible, that means it was really horrible.  I didn’t know about the noise involved in getting one done.  It is like a PET scan or a CAT scan in that you have to be very still for however long it takes.  There is a tunnel or tube you have to stay in in all three.  All three are difficult for anyone who is even mildly claustrophobic – which I am.  But the difference in the MRI is the noise factor.  Even wearing headphones it sounds like a fog horn is blasting in your ear the entire time.  I didn’t know about that before my MRI. I have an extreme sensitivity to noise so it was really hard.  I might have done better if I had known about that to begin with.  If it ever comes up again I plan to take some of those Styrofoam ear plugs and at least ask if I can wear them in addition to the ear-muffs provided.  Noise cancellation headsets are not useable because they won’t work with the high powered magnets. 

I will post soon with the results of the test and possible treatment for dizziness.  I have been surprised at the number of people in my limited world who are having unexplained dizziness. 

If you have a story regarding your struggle with your health or the health of a loved one I would be pleased to hear about it.  Any treatments or strategies that have been helpful would be welcome news. 

Currently I am trying Ceylon cinnamon mixed with honey hoping for an energy boost.  This is an easy thing for me to try since I love cinnamon like most people love chocolate.  I swallow enough pills every day to count as a full meal. 

And I am still – waiting on my hair to grow…….

Looking for Guest Authors Who are Facing or Living with Life Altering Health Issues of any sort

Life Altering Illness

Barbara Henderson

My latest blood work shows I am cancer free.  That is wonderful news.  But I am still a very frail person with limited physical ability.  The truth is that I had extreme fatigue for several years prior to getting my cancer diagnosis.  As I recover from the cancer treatment I find that the extreme fatigue is even worse than before.  I had some glimmer of hope that the chemo might take care of some weird bug that was causing the fatigue.  Apparently that hasn’t happened.  My life prior to cancer seems pretty much like my life today.  I don’t have the energy to sweep the floor without needing to sit down and rest for an hour.

So, even if the cancer stays away, and I pray that it does, my life is still completely different that it was when I actually felt well. 

I have noticed that there are quite a few things that are the same in treatment for a wide variety of illness.  Get plenty of rest and boost the immune system seems to be pretty standard for just about anything.  It turns out that life altering illness covers a very wide range of actual illnesses.  With that in mind I am changing the focus of this blog from cancer specifically to any illness that alters how someone is living his/her life. 

I would like to approach anyone reading this who has faced or is facing any life altering illness to write a guest post for this blog. 

Here are a few guidelines for article submission:

·         I am a committed Christian. Nothing that is negative regarding Christianity would be accepted.  That includes but is not limited to mindless meditation and yoga.  If you have a form of religion that differs from traditional conservative Christianity simply leave that out of the article.

·         Personal experience is good.  I am interested in your story, how you are coping, concerns you may have, your personal support group, and anything you find helpful or insightful.

·         Supplements with which you have personal experience.  List the good and the bad.  I do hate wasting money on things that simply do not work.

·         If I post your article on my blog you will not receive any money for your post.  I will not use your work anywhere except on my blog.  You retain full rights. 

·         No curse words.  No gossip about anyone. Keep the tone of your article kind. (Follow these rules – Is it True?  Is it kind?  Is it helpful?)

·         Submitting an article does not mean your article will be used.

·         If you submit an article you agree to these terms.

·         tosergeant@gmail.com  put ‘blog article submission’ in the subject line.

Waiting on My Hair to Grow After Chemo

Cancer is the pits for many reasons.  It throws your life into turmoil on every single level.  You may never fully recover from the effects of chemo.  You may have a little extra fatigue.  You may just never feel quite the same.  One of the things that happens with chemo is the dreaded hair loss.  I know there are a lot of people who say the hair loss doesn't really bother them.  Well, I can tell you honestly that it does bother me.  I love having hair.  One of my favorite things to do is to twist my hair with my finger when I am thinking, when I am nervous, when I am bored, and just all the time.  You can't do that with a wig.  So, here I am in cancer remission.  That is a blessing and a wonderful place to be.  But I am still waiting for my hair to grow!  I am also dealing with the new color.  I had mostly brown hair before chemo.  I covered the gray with semi-permanent hair color.  I don't think this much gray can be covered and look even remotely natural.  So, I am adjusting to short hair, gray hair, and curly hair.  I do like the curls.  I hope they stick around, but I have read that isn't likely. I had my last chemo in mid January of 2015.  This photo was take in late May.

This photo was taken a few days ago.  That is my sun hat.  We are actually going on a trip in a few days.  So, I am feeling well enough to travel.

I am taking biotin, folate, b12 and full spectrum b vitamins to help my hair grow.  See my video on wearing a wig during chemo at the end of this blog post.

I am still having quite a bit of pain all over the place!  I can't take Advil, Aleve or Aspirin due to kidney damage from the chemo.

What is working for me is Boswellia and Curcumin.  I am taking those 2 to 4 times a day along with extra niacinamide.  These are good for pain, kidneys, liver, inflammation, pancreas, and several other things.

Best wishes with your fight with the beast of cancer or any other illness.

A New and Better Life in Heaven for Christians

(Currently my cancer is in remission)

In the Beginning He Died

Barbara Henderson

How can loving someone bring so much joy and so much pain?  The love is a gift from God.  I am not talking about romantic love, although that is also a gift from God.  I am talking about love that inspires someone to lay down their own life for others.  I don’t mean literally physically die, although that has happened.  I mean give up what you want for the good of those that you love.  Or, do more than is required of you because you love those who are in need.  Loving someone makes a connection that isn’t daunted by time or space.  The love remains.  But part of love is loneliness.  You can’t be with the ones you love all the time.  You can’t provide for their every need.  You can’t stay in a cheerful humor as long as they are in the line of your sight.  A part of loving others is admitting that love causes stress. 

Possibly the most overwhelming pain caused by love comes when someone you love dies.  If they die suddenly and unexpectedly a time of unparalleled grief smothers you.  If they die of a lingering illness grief smothers you just the same, but it is sort of spread over time.  When it is an older person who has lived a long and satisfying life it is still very hard.  When it is a younger person who seems to have so much left to do, it seems impossible. 

For Christians, there is sure knowledge of a reunion in heaven with our loved ones.  That is comforting, but it doesn’t stop the pain that comes with the loss of a loved one.  We don’t sorrow as those who have no hope of a reunion, but Christians still mourn the loss of loved ones.  Really we are mourning for ourselves.  We are left to face a lonely future without someone we wanted to keep with us.  Hopefully, when there is a loss, we don’t waste any time being angry at God.  We should just be thankful that God has our loved one in a place that is not only safe but also wonderful.  If there is anger let it pass away from you.  We can direct it toward the devil.  The entire death fiasco was brought about when he beguiled Eve.  But, the Bible tells us to let the anger, bitterness, and wrath pass away from us.  How much more so if we are foolish enough to direct anger at God Himself?

I tell you the truth: the dead Christian is just far away.  It seems like a million miles or more.  There is no communication what so ever.  Even trying to communicate is sin.  It is forbidden. Suffice it to say that we will know our family and loved ones in heaven.  I don’t know what we will look like.  I don’t know what we will be like.  But we will know each other.  It is even a greater truth that the person who has ‘died’ is actually living in heaven.  What we are really adjusting to is the distance between the living and the dead.  I have heard it said that death is just a part of life, to which I say ‘baloney’.  God made the world perfect with no death.  THAT is the reality.  The next reality was that sin entered in.  Death came along with sin.  So, while death happens all the time, it will never be ‘normal’ or ‘just part of life’.

My illness this past year has caused me to look at death more closely than ever before.  There was a time when I thought I was not going to stay in this body much longer.  I did not want to go, but the thought of no more pain was so compelling that if I had had a choice at one point I would have just gone straight to heaven.  I couldn’t have helped myself.  Death for me at that time would have been a way out of a great deal of pain and a body that was growing weaker by the day.  My main prayers through my cancer were for my husband and family.  I would much rather be the one who is sick than to watch someone else going through it.  Besides, I know the loneliness that comes from the loss of a loved one.  I wasn’t going to be the one who had to face that! 

A dear friend of mine has been a widow for nearly ten years now.  Watching her and her children go through the loss of their loved one was as much grief as I have had to bear.  My friend told me that her husband (a preacher) often told people wondering how someone was getting through a loss that, ‘God don’t give you dying grace on un-dying days’. (Baptist preachers use bad grammar when they want to ‘emphasize a point’) That means that we can’t understand how we will get through the loss of a loved one until we have to go through it.  Actually, even then we don’t understand everything that went on.  It seems like we would just die from grief sometimes, or that at least the world would stop and mourn with us for a while.  Instead, nothing really changes except our own lives and the lives of those closest to us.  Everything else seems to go on just the same.  So, how people get through the loss of loved one is really a mystery.  God just takes us through the grief.  There is no other answer.

But, I do wonder what it is like when we pass from this life into the next.  In this world we are born and we die.  When we die Christians go to heaven where their eternal life begins.  Non-believers go to hell where their eternal torment begins.  There is that moment when one reality changes into another and permanent reality.  That moment when we slip into eternity is sort of a big question mark.  When I didn’t know what was going to happen with the cancer I wondered what it would be like to die.  I guess the main thing I wondered was if it was going to hurt.  I was already in a lot of pain, and I really did not want more pain to go with what was already going on in my frail body. 

I began to think about that moment when this life would be changed for the new beginning. Heaven is under construction I suppose because Jesus said He was going to prepare a place for us.  Sometimes when I pray I say, ‘So Jesus, how is the building project coming along?’  I am hoping I will get a bell ringing in my head saying something like, ‘I’m almost finished.  I will be back for all my children shortly.’  However, the closest I have come to getting an answer is what seems like a little voice in my head saying, ‘Nun’ya – meaning none of your business.’ Seriously, I can’t imagine what God is preparing for us in all this time since He made so much in six days.  When we get to heaven we will begin life in a wonderful place.  We can be certain of that.  It will be new since Jesus is working on preparing it now.

I do not want to slide down into the valley of ‘trying to prove something by experience and feelings’.  However, I don’t think it is doing that to mention that through the ages there have been many witnesses to Christians dying who may have seen a glimpse of something or someone from beyond this life.  This isn’t scriptural.  This does not prove anything.  It is just something that has been reported. We don’t have to have anything like this because we have a more sure testimony to the heaven of Jesus Christ.  We have the written word of God.  Never the less, there is sometimes a glimpse of something beyond when someone dies.  No, I don’t mean we should all go lurking around the death beds of Christians trying to see a glimpse of eternity.  It is just something that occasionally happens. I was not there for the death of either of my grandfathers.  My dad was there both times.  Both grandfathers were professing Christians.  One was coughing out his last breath when – according to my dad – he smiled the most beautiful smile.  Then he was gone.  The other grandfather, also a professing Christian died without anything out of the ordinary.  Dad said that death is most certainly not something anyone would seek to be around. Just do whatever your duty may be.  Don’t look for something out of the ordinary.  I know at the end of their lives my father in law and my dad both seemed to be seeing people who had been in heaven a long time.  Were they really there?  I don’t know.  Whether their family was waiting for them the instant they died or a few minutes later in heaven doesn’t really matter.

Personally, during the darkest part of my cancer treatment it did seem like I saw my dad a few times.  It seemed very normal and not like it was something amazing.  At one point I almost followed him somewhere – I have no idea where – but something stopped me.  I was in a lot of pain so I don’t really know what was real and what wasn’t real.  I didn’t do narcotic pain medicine, so I don’t think it was anything to do with prescription drugs.  It was just something that seemed to be going on.  It seemed so natural to see dad.  Life after death for Christians is actually when life begins.  And what a life it will be!  Our eternal life will be filled with joy.  We won’t be separated from loved ones ever again.  We won’t know sorrow.  We won’t know any emotional or physical pain.  We won’t know disappointment anymore. We shall obtain joy and gladness and sorrow and sighing shall flee away. 

My conclusion after facing a year of cancer treatment is this.  Dying – as in the actual dying - is not going to be that hard for the one dying.  I think it will be sort of like walking from one room to another room.  Except – the new room will be eternally neat and clean with dinner always ready.  The difficult part of dying is for those who are still alive.  They have to face the separation that comes with death.  All anyone can do is cling to Jesus.  Jesus is the one who will take us through the illness if we are the one who is sick.  Jesus is the One who will take us to heaven when we actually do die.  Jesus is the One who will take us through the grief if we are the one who loses a loved one to death.  Jesus is the One who will take us through whatever trials befall us as we run our race.  The long and short of it is something like ‘fear God and keep the commandments; OR, cling to Jesus.  Cling to Him when you are getting up, when you are lying down, when you are walking, when you are sitting, and so on.  Cling to Jesus all the time.

I love the line from the old hymn that says, ‘There’s a land that is fairer than day, and by faith we can see it afar.’  I think of the beautiful days I have seen in this life.  The overwhelming beauty of God’s creation is not something to take lightly.  But, heaven is fairer than the most beautiful of days we have ever seen on this earth.  Heaven is a very real place.  Heaven is filled with very real people who once lived on earth but now live in heaven.  They are doing very real things, although we don’t know exactly what they are doing, but it is definitely something wonderful and fulfilling.  The dead in Christ have entered into the joy of the Lord.  Until then we cling to Jesus and look forward to what the Lord is preparing for those that love Him.  Death is the beginning for them that love God.

In the Sweet Bye and Bye

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KSP5GfAG1yI

Wearing a Wig during Cancer Treatment

This is me in my current wig.

Wearing a Wig While Getting Cancer Treatment

Barbara Henderson

Do you ever wonder why people with cancer don’t wear wigs?  I can give you a few pretty good reasons, AND a few tips on how to wear a wig anyway.  I also have a few tips on how to choose a wig.

First, people don’t wear a wig because:

They itch

They are uncomfortable

They don’t look natural

Second, these problems can be minimalized:

Wear a headband or wig cap under the wig.  I don’t wear a wig cap.  I do wear headbands.  I bought extra wide ones from a cancer web site.  These are very helpful.  They make the wig fit better.  They keep the itchy material off your head.  They allow for some air to go through the top of the wig to reach you scalp.

Rub something on your head before you put the wig on.  I use any sort of pain killing rub such as Asper-cream, peppermint oil, lidocaine, and even cortisone cream.  Rub the stuff on, then put on the headband, then put on the wig.

Now, since I have given you some hope on actually wearing a wig, I want to give some tips on actually buying a wig.

                   

Look for something that is very similar to the hair style you are currently wearing OR similar to a hairstyle that you have worn in the past and really liked. 

Second, consider the color.  I was a natural brunette before I got cancer.  It said ‘natural brunette’ right on the box.  Anyway, I had always wanted to try highlights in my hair, but I never had actually done it.  So, I choose a wig that was basically my own hair style.  Then I choose a color that was like my own color, but that was highlighted.  I ordered it.  Then it arrived and it was basically a blond wig.  I tried it on.  It looked fine.  I decided to keep it.  The style was the key factor.  I think I would have liked it in any color.  I am now quite comfortable as a blond.  I will probably stay blond when I have my own hair back.

Unfortunately wigs, or at least the wigs in my price range, don’t stay looking nice.  No matter how carefully I wash a wig it seems to get frizzy.  If someone out there knows how to repair wig frizz feel free to let me know. 

Personally, I have mentally divided my cancer treatment into 3 parts.  Due to the possibility of staying on a treatment for 12 months after chemo, I may have to divide it up into 4 parts.  Anyway, each section of treatment calls for a new wig.  I up to wig number two.  I would have stuck with wig number one, but the frizziness was just too bad to keep wearing it all the time.  By the way, that wig is long enough to put in a short ponytail or little bun at the nape of the neck  It looks fine either way.  Anyway, that wig works fine as a back up.  The problem is that the frizzier it gets the more it itches.  So, that wig has to be worn in a pony tail or bun, or it is tooscratchy to wear.

Then, as I approached surgery (or ‘phase two’ of treatment as I call it) I decided on a new wig.  This time I decided to get a wig that was short.  I had worn my hair short a few times and I knew the basic style that I wanted. Actually, as soon as I knew I was going to lose my hair I got the scissors and whacked off my hair in a short style. (I have never been bashful about cutting my own hair.)  I cut the top spike short, layered the sides slightly, and left a few twigs around the bottom. The style was similar to what I had worn when I was in my late teens and spent a lot of time waterskiing.  I chose a wig that was multicolored.  It is basically a dark undertone with several shades ranging from blond to really blond. Anyway, the wig looks fine.  Being shorter than the first wig there isn’t a lot of hair there to frizz.  When I wash it it does go back to its original look with little to no frizz. 

Yesterday I was at a hospital getting everything set up for the surgery next week.  I saw several doctors and various technicians.  I ‘gave’ enough blood that I expected to need a transfusion before I left.  The topic of conversation was my wig instead of my health.  Everyone wanted to know if it was really a wig.  I wanted to reply – DUH – of course it’s a wig.  No one has hair this perfect unless it is a wig.

The truth is that you can get a wig that looks wonderful.  The next truth is that you can wear a wig with only a little discomfort.  There isn’t any perfect solution of which I am aware.  However, having real hair grow straight out of you head isn’t perfect either.  

Let’s do a little re-cap here.

As soon as you know you are going to lose your hair – get your hair styled in a very short style.  If you don’t know how to do it yourself, pay up to big bucks to get a short style that looks good on you.  This might even include one of those computer programs that lets you try different styles before you actually get it cut.  Personally, when I am able to grow enough hair to have the short style I had before chemo started I will call this cancer phase of my life over.  I will feel like I am back to a normal, or at least at a new normal.  (And Yes! Hair is that important to me.)

Anyway, the short style is important. 

Second, buy a wig that is a familiar hair style to you, and a style that you have enjoyed wearing in the past.  As it turns out, color may not be that important, but if it is very important to you be sure to stick to a color you know you can be comfortable wearing.  My going blond was a total accident, but it worked out well anyway.  I would have never risked it on purpose to begin with though.  If you are fortunate enough to have a wig salon near you, by all means go and try on your wig before you buy.  I have ordered both of mine.  Just so you will know, the first one was $135, and the second was $200.  There are wigs that are a lot more expensive than that, but that was pretty much my limit. 

Hats – they all scream ‘chemo – chemo’.

The idea of wearing a hat instead of wig is a just that – an idea.  Most chemo hats are like neon signs screaming ‘cancer, cancer, cancer’.  Personally, I don’t find them much more comfortable than the wigs.  However, they do have their place even in my life.  If you like hats, than by all means wear hats.  Just personally they are not a style that makes me happy.  Well, honestly, nothing about cancer makes me happy, but wigs do help me have a better attitude.

My experience with hats goes like this.

First a beret style knit hat seems to look the nicest.  They have a band around the bottom.  I tilt it to one side with a bit pushed up in the front.  I hold the shape in place with a safety pin.  You could use a costume jewelry piece if you happen to have one.  To look right hats seem to need to go over your ears, OR have a fringe of hair sticking out.  Which brings us to hair pieces.

Hair piece number one:

Bangs.  I stick them on the headband I always wear.  Then I put a hat on over the bangs.  It does look very nice.  The problem is they itch more than a regular wig.  They are bearable though.  I prefer the wig, but this is a nice change and looks good.

Hair piece number two:

It is called a halo.  It is basically a fringe of hair that leaves a big bald spot on top or your head.  Wearing it without a hat looks sort of like a monk in an old Robin Hood Movie.  But, when you put the hat on it looks very nice.  The problem is that it itches.  I ordered mine slightly curly.  I wish I had gone with straight.  I think it would itch less.

Both of these hair pieces look good or even great.  The issue once again is comfort.  Since I do prefer the wig I usually just wear the wig.  If the hair pieces were more comfortable I would likely wear those.  Both look fine.

This may sound rather silly, but if women wore hats more, it would be easier to get a hat and wear it without feeling like you are the only one within 3 blocks wearing a hat.  That alone says ‘chemo’. 

I am wondering if, or hoping that, hats will be easier to wear comfortably when my own hair starts to grow back in.  I would suggest you have a few hats or caps.  I sleep in knit hats.  If I am feeling bad and spending most of the day laying down I also wear a comfortable hat.  It is possible to lounge around in your wig, but since the two wigs I have bought seem prone to frizz I don’t like to spend the day napping while wearing my wig. 

Ultimately getting through cancer treatment is about what helps and encourages you best.  For Christians the help that matters most comes from God.  It is God Almighty that sends you any other form of help that you may have.  Loved ones, family, friends, and even doctors, nurses, and all medical staff are gifts from God.  Be thankful.  There are many things that do stay the same during your treatment.  God doesn’t change. Heaven and eternity do not change. Love doesn’t change.  Praise the Lord.

Remember, cancer and hair loss is the perfect opportunity to get the eyebrows you always wanted.  When yours fall out just draw in the shape and width that you like.  I use a simple brow pencil.  I make it a little darker than I want it to be.  Then I put a little powder on my art work to sort of set the penciled in brows and help them to last until I wash them off.  If you are bored, practice drawing different eyebrow shapes.  There isn’t wrong way to do it. 

I would also suggest that you use makeup like you always use makeup.  If you don’t do makeup then don’t do makeup.  I really would draw in the eyebrows regardless because they frame your face and give a very natural look.  When in doubt go a little lighter and smaller with the brows, but do pencil them in.

Personally, chemo seems to almost burn my face.  It turns red for a couple of days.  It feels really hot to the touch.  Then it seems to peel a layer or two of skin.  So, my skin actually looks better than when I first got sick.  I have lost twenty pounds, so I am definitely back in my skinny jeans.  Hopefully I won’t lose any more weight. 

Hair loss has been extremely upsetting.  I am trying to keep it in proper perspective.  Even with stage four ovarian cancer my prognosis is good.  I have a very good chance of recovery.  It has been overwhelming to have so many people tell me they are praying for me.  It some ways it has been worth it to see all the good things people have done for me and my family.  It is a case of ‘counting my blessings’.  I have been blessed.  I am being blessed.  Except for the cancer part – my life is wonderful.  However, back to the hair loss.  THAT is bad.  So, I am making the best of it, or I am doing the best I can to make the best of it.  If you are dealing with cancer and hair loss, I am truly sorry.  Of course there are things more important than losing your hair, but that doesn’t make losing your hair any less dreadful.  I have read many blogs about people losing their hair and saying it didn’t really bother them.  Well, good for them. But it does bother me.  So, I am doing my best to deal with it as cheerfully and practically as possible.  One thing I should mention is that losing my hair was extremely painful.  I had no idea it would hurt.  I had no idea my scalp would be so sore I could barely touch it without whining ‘ouch’.  Honestly if it hadn’t fallen out I would have probably had to shave my head anyway.  During the process of losing my hair it became very clear that keeping my hair was not a good option either.  Anyway, my hair is gone.  My wig looks good.  My makeup looks the same.  My eyebrows look good.  I actually enjoy drawing them in.  From a realistic point of view they do look fine.  I am an artist.  You can trust me on this one.  Remember all you have to do is give a good impression of perfect brows.  Unless someone is looking at you under a microscope no one is going to notice they are fake.

And, no one is going to notice that your hair is a wig unless you tell them or they already know you are wearing a wig.  I have had to prove my hair was a wig to my oncologist and several people at the hospital yesterday. 

Energy wise it isn’t going to make a lot of difference whether you wear a wig and makeup or not.  It is probably going to make a difference in how you feel.  The thing is for me that is important is to just look normal for me.  I don’t look 20, but that is because I am 60.  I don’t want to see someone staring back at me from the mirror whose image screams ‘cancer, cancer, cancer’.   I don’t want my train of thought interrupted.  I am not in denial about having cancer.  I just don’t want it to consume every single thought.  Looking normal for my age and my personality helps me think on the good things.  I will probably help you as well.